(Sex)Life After Baby
Let's talk about sex baby, or should I say after baby.
The 2nd worst experience of my life!
I was stitched up after giving birth to my son. How many stitches? I dont know because no one ever told me. (Still trying to get my records)
Anyway I waited longer than 6 weeks to have sex again. Mostly because I was still sore but also because EVERY mom i spoke to told me how awful it is. And boy was it awful!
Now a little background. I am not the "typical" post partum mom. I did not gain a bunch of weight during pregnancy and I fit back in my pre pregnancy jeans almost immediately. (Please dont hate this has its downsides as well). Also, no stretch marks. At least not on my belly anyway.
I do not have a problem with my body in that sense. (Although I think I'm too thin, another topic for another time). However, I am also breastfeeding so boobs are basically off limits for my honey. (I'm just not ready to blur that line, its weird)
Anyway, back to sex.
It was very painful. Again, I'm breastfeeding so that means hormones. The hormones that help make sex enjoyable are not quite in working order (so I've heard/read).
However, I dont think that's the only reason for the pain. I'm convinced my evil doctor may have provided me with: the oh so great "husband stitch". (As if she didn't ruin things enough)
The hormones also diminish the actual WANT to have sex! (Ugh!)
Now I'm hoping the next time it wont hurt as much or at all. (please Oh please oh please!)
And I sometimes wanna have sex (yay adjusting hormones!)
But I have TWO problems:
1. THE BABY! (He is 8 months old. How in the world do I have sex with the baby RIGHT there?)
He cant be moved when he is napping or he'll wake up and he usually is sleeping in our bed. (We co-sleep, fight me!) Also if I move he sometimes wakes up, apparently they can smell the milk.
Also, ours weird having sex with your kid in the room! Especially awake!
2. The LIBIDO!
The want to actually have sex. Now I know I said hormones have adjusted but how long until they adjust back to normal? Do they ever?
Here in lies the problem, the conundrum if you will. If I want to have sex, we have to figure out how with baby around. Or figure out when, with baby around even if my libido is like "yeah, no, sorry".
I have read some article but none helpful. Most say "just do it! Push through the lack of wanting it and be like Nike"
So, Mama's let me hear your opinions/experiences. I wanna have an honest open discussion because this is serious and I feel it's not talked about enough. So drop me a comment!
Also how do you see a GYN when you have an 8 month old and no sitter?!
After Christopher was born, I only received one big stitch. What you experienced was horrific. We had sex after 4 weeks. I was scared (like it was my first time) but it turned out to be ok.
ReplyDeleteAfter Christopher out sex life was never the same. My libido was gone. I felt bad, like the cliche saying
It's not you me. I had an emotional problem adjusting to what was going on with me. I didn't get it myself, how was my boyfriend supposed to understand? I have never been the "same". I lost that sex drive. I swear having children changes that, not being with someone so long. My mom even gave me the same advice, sometimes you just gotta do it.
In my situation now-a-days though I have this dreadful fear that they'll hear us. You know our walls are paper thin. Makes me so nervous because I was scarred for life.
And when people say, do it with the baby there, he wont know! Yea....right. he's cooing, looking, of course he doesn't "know" what you're doing, but he's still watching or hearing. That's not sexy.
He won't be a baby forever. Don't adjust your sleeping arrangements for sex. Sex will always be there and your man will have to deal. When you want to, and baby is asleep, your man better be ready.
Exactly! They might not remember but its still weird! Unless they are fully distracted or asleep! (Renovating the house doesn't help cuz we cant stick him in his own room)
ReplyDeleteAnd you're lucky you felt okay after 4 weeks. 8 months later...still painful ..ugh .
First off you take him with you to the Gyno... lol he can sit in the stroller or car seat or something.
ReplyDeleteAs for the pain, it will get better... the want will get there too. I’m not too much help in this department as I did not have a partner afterwards but you can always put baby in pack and play or something like that for a nap. Keep in mind you should plan some time to be together as couple occasionally to help keep your bond and relationship strong. It doesn’t need to be everyday or every week but maybe plan something atleast once a month, even just an hour or two where you guys can have time to yourselves, you will appreciate it down the line. It doesn’t always have to be sex either, I don’t think you should force sex but you definitely need to have couple time and not just mom and dad time.
Yeah i think you underestimate how active my boy is. And I rather him sleep on me than risk moving him and him waking up. He won't sleep in the pack and play because he feels lunge he's falling and wakes up when I try to lay him down.
DeleteWe're never been a couple who diodes "date night" or anything like that. He's more into getting stuff done and we pretty much go to bed when the baby does